yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If that was your dad, he is hot
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't deserve a penis
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
