the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
