She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
