she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
