the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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