Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
