I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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