Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
