We won't sleep together?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
