I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
