i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
