That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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