Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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