the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
