how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
