It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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