i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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