Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
