I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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