at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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