He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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