i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
