I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
