What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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