i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
