I didn't shave. On purpose
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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