Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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