According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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