Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
