Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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