It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
