How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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