What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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