It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
