The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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