well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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