if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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