he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
