I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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