You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
