I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
