she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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