I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
