Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
