I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
