There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So many bounce houses so little time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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