Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
