I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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