either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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