Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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