Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
