he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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