Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
