You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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