so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
