Soap is not a condiment
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
