I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
