Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
