the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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