Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize