my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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