im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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