Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Barsexuality is the new black.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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