She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
