I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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