So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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