Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
