Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
